Let’s face it, even when couples are happy, marriage can be a challenge. If you’re like most couples, you’ve had days or even weeks that have been filled with every emotion under the sun. That’s to be expected. But, if you consider your marriage “boring”, that’s a warning sign. With the divorce rate a high as it is, it stands to reason that a spouse who is bored is more likely to make bad choices than one who considers his/her marriage exciting.
We know because we were there once. Because we were separated for nearly two years, when we first reconciled marriage was like a honeymoon. We looked forward to doing new things together, as well as things we missed doing during our time apart. But as time went on and the normal routine set in, there wasn’t as much to look forward to. When we were asked to help couples in our church whose marriages were in crisis, we began spending time creating tips and tools that we had learned to save our own. It didn’t take us long to realize that having a good marriage wasn’t going to happen automatically. It was going to require work in all areas, and one of those areas was keeping our marriage exciting.
It took us time and energy and planning, but it was worth it. We have been back together for over 20 years now, and our marriage has been anything but boring. We have shared these tips with many couples over the years and we know they work!
1. Most important, create fun in your marriage.
Make a list of 10-15 things that you enjoy doing alone or with your spouse that are not immoral, illegal, or too expensive. From your list, choose at least two things that you will incorporate into your week. For instance; fishing, going for walks, attending a Bible study, renting old movies, playing games, having lunch or dinner with friends, window shopping, yard sales, or going for coffee before work. Get creative and think of some things.
When you spend time doing things you enjoy you are self-nurturing and will avoid becoming too needy or restless.
2. TAKE A CLASS…LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Getting new ideas and learning new things will make your conversations and time together more exciting. Last year I took a couple of computer classes and Joe started making some yard art for sale. In the evenings we had new things to share. If there is something you both want to learn take the class together. Don’t waste God’s gift of a brain that is meant to keep learning.
3. GET BRAVE AND CREATE A NEW IMAGE
Don’t panic. You don’t have to get extreme about this, but at least take a look at a hair and/or fashion magazine that is geared for your age and gender and consider trying something new. I do hair part-time and I often have couples come in together for a new look. It’s fun to watch them get excited and take photos of their experience.
4. GO SOMEWHERE NEW
This doesn’t have to be an expensive vacation. You can take a drive or try a new restaurant. Last year we took a day trip to San Francisco and made ourselves use the trolley instead of our car. It was challenging to say the least. (I reminded him all day that we were keeping our marriage exciting.)
5. SURPRISE YOUR SPOUSE
Maybe your spouse wouldn’t like being taken from his job, blindfolded and driven to a hotel two hours away. Yes, I tried that with Joe and he hated it. My “romantic” surprise ended in an argument and I learned my lesson. The key to this tool is to surprise your spouse with something the two of you have already discussed at some point. Spend time discussing favorite places, movies, foods and things to do. Then rearrange your schedule to make it happen.
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Life itself can be boring if you aren’t purposed to make it exciting, and it’s the same for marriage. Don’t waste a moment sitting and sulking. Do whatever it takes to enjoy the life that God gave you.
